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Friday, September 9, 2011


I found this nest last week, the day before I ventured cross-country, while hiking in the forest near my home.  In this case, I do use the term "hiking" quite loosely as I may have climbed those wooded hills while wearing a mini skirt and holding a freshly steamed latté.  But hiking it still was.

I was scuttling down a slope, flip flops covered in dust, and nearly put my eye out on the broken branch.
[sometimes the world needs to grab your attention]
[sometimes those gifts are simply meant to be]
Since then I've been thinking steadily on nesting.
We've now been in our new home almost six weeks; the space is filled with an easy comfort, the house seems to stretch and sigh in the summer light.  But I've been running far into our future, leaving my body lost and wandering in the present.  I've fallen in love with this small parcel of land, but have also recognized the breadth of what we've moved away from.  What pieces we've traded and bartered as we build our life together, as we strive to follow our dreams.  BC and I been talking extensively on five year goals, where we want to be, what we want for our days, how we want to live.  And between these talks and a slew of small traumas (the dog attack being by far the largest), I've forgot where I was.  Lost in the mirage of a future that does not yet exist, where burdens and stresses are a thing of the past, where every disparate place that I love seems to converge seamlessly into my idealized home.  

I had to look at my hands to see reality.

Here where my feet touch the earth and my lungs pull in damp air.

I have a great imagination and a penchant for day dreaming, but I want to reside in the now.  That other place, that future dream is too vanilla for me, too perfectly bland, too devoid of raw life.  I want to understand my present in all of its muddy, visceral, utterly beautiful ways because let's face it: none of us are guaranteed another day.  I want to dig in, breathe in, open my eyes wide, fling my arms open, plant my flag and claim this day for me.  For life.  For the present.  I want to look back at the history of my days and see ten thousand victory flags flying.

A triumph of life.
A life of triumph.

* * *

It's good to be home.
I believe it is an ever evolving art to reside in the present.  So tell me birds, how do you claim your space, your time, your life? 


MrsLittleJeans said...

My goodness, my words fell out of my mouth after reading your lovely thoughts. I nodded in agreement with much of it, I too try to stay in the moment but my mind escapes the time-space domain readily and effortlessly, I try to transform the gift of anxious energy into creative living and I too want to have a history...sending you love xoxo

MrsLittleJeans said...

Incidentally, have you lost your sewing machine? : )

UmberDove said...

And you will have a history!

And my old faithful machine? Just taking a break until the muse pushes fabric my way...

Cat said...

I love that you are back in the present friend, for indeed the future can only be once the present is spent.
Age has made the present easy to be in...that is my truth. The 40's have opened a world of breathing I never thought possible in my 30's and just never thought about in my 20's.
Watching my children grow, seeing time take them makes me cherish the moments I have with them more...
Reminders, reminders that every moment counts, so I should be there, in them, so then I too can count.

love and light to you Sweet Dove

lulu said...

AHHH I WANT THAT NEST! the precision will forever astonish me. (well, every nest really!)

sheesh, i need to sit down with myself and a journal in hand for this one! can i get back to you? ;)

beautifully said. I loose myself far too easily obsessing over my fears of the unknown future. But isn't that what we're taught since we came into this world? look ahead, down the road, into the future. advance! advance! what's wrong with Now? sometimes it's very backwards.

hear! hear! to a triumph of life. a life of triumph.

Julz said...

Thank you. Thank you for offering this post, these words and thoughts, at a time when they were needed. Thank you.

UmberDove said...

Cat - I will take your wisdom with open hands.

Lulu - Go get the journal girl!!!!!

Julz - and thank you for receiving them; it is forever an encouragement to me to know we are not alone!

Ann from Montana said...

I absolutely work on staying in the moment and find great joy when I do that...even the simplest tasks become more interesting and my days more fullfilling.

...BUT, I am also a GREAT believer in having a vision of the future...a dream of what I want my days to look like in the minutest detail. For myself, I have found that spending some time now and again - writing down that vision - helps me stay on track NOW. It helps me jettison those things that don't contribute to the vision, i.e. a tool to help me decide how to spend "now".

lynsey said...

I think we all of us as humans have a tendency to look towards the future, to perhaps something better than we have now. I've learned however that this can be quite destructive sometimes, we are busy dreaming of a better future that we miss the beauty that is in the present. I for one have stopped worrying about the future, i know that the things i'm doing in the present are working towards my future, such as going back to College, house renovations etc, I'm enjoying the beauty of the moment, as it is over in a fleeting second. I marvel at how much quicker time passes as i get older, but then i realise, that time is not passing quicker i just have more things that fill my time these days.
Love your posts

kerin rose said...

my beautiful friend....there aint't nothin' else....this day, this moment, this got it!....

sending so much love....

yeah! ( fist in the air)!

mme. bookling said...

I am not positive that the Kelly I met 4+ years ago would have said that she really wanted to live in raw, gritty life (or at least not to the world). Such intense deep rootedness you have, my tree. Those long, languid branches might reach far and dance about wildly on the wind of your dreams, but never forget that sturdy tree trunk that grounds and connects you to all the now you could possibly want.

I want to be NOW too.