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Friday, August 10, 2012

Home

Well it's official.  All those little well wishes you sent out last week, all ten of my fingers tightly crossed, all the breath we've held hoping to find the right home?  It all converged at the right time and place in a way that was nothing short of miraculous.  
Welcome.

Upon arriving in Seattle last week, I attended a few frenzied open houses, weighed the pros and cons (I was almost terribly swayed by a clawfoot tub and a breathtaking sun-porch in a very unpractical house), but in the end listened intently to my intuition.  I think sometimes our bodies are wiser than us, that somewhere deep in our solar plexus a compass spins with absolute accuracy.  And when we pulled into the drive of this charmer, my compass spun with the fire of the sun.  I knew it would be right even before I stepped over that 1920's threshold.  

First though, I need to come clean.
The last few months have been rough, and I confess to being the small wounded beast who hides in private, shadowy corners when life turns upside-down.  I've vacillated between a light heart and nimble fingers, and a black crush of anxiety.  I've been wrestling with a fear-demon and there were days when the flame of light in my chest sputtered and dampened.  Truly, never has an impending move felt so strangely full of symbolism, hope and threat.  It's been a mess of illogical terrors that the mind concocts to explain away the bad things in life (i.e. cancer.  Shitty, shitty cancer.  What has happened to me, what is happening to a dear friend, and what had happened to a recently departed).   In the name of authenticity I want you to know this: no life is always easy, and no life is always full of butterflies and rainbows, and mine is certainly no exception.  I suppose really what I'm trying to say is that sometimes, life is damn gritty.  And it hurts.  And that sometimes, you'll wake up in the morning and that ball of panic that has been rolling around in your stomach will have rolled right out the front door and the only thing you notice are the birds singing in the dawn.

For me, that open door was the thing.  Nearly a quarter acre, hemmed in by ancient cedars, somehow still smack in the middle of the city doesn't hurt either.
* * *

Other bits of interest and education?  I heartily recommend that one DOES NOT eat an entire pound-and-a-half of cherries during the course of an eleven hour drive, topped off by a large grapefruit.  I thought I was immune (in fact, after the drive up, I may have uttered those exact words with smug pride), but apparently, everyone has a threshold for fruit consumption.  Who knew?

When returning from the Camelot of Coffee, from the land of milk and caffeine, from the seventh heaven of sweet crema, to a house devoid of a single coffee bean know this: dirty, dark beans clearly roasted sometime during the revolutionary war, from the shady little corner market will taste like motor oil and you will cry exactly three tears before dumping that crap down the drain.

In other news, if you haven't yet seen THIS, well then let me regale you now.  BC and I had that hat stashed away before we even knew if our new "niece," Bowie Andromeda was a she.  We're totally going to be the cool aunt and uncle who keep her in sci-fi-geek-wear, teach the little lady words like "mullet" and how to fist bump grandma.
It feels good to be home, but even better to know that "home" is waiting just a few hundred miles up the coast for us as well.
Cheers birds,
~ Umber ~

22 comments:

Cristen said...

Life can down right suck sometimes! Congrats on finding the right house! That must be a relief to have that taken care of. And that hat....OMG!! How freaking cute is she?!?!

Dee said...

Wishing you a home of pure bliss, sweetness to the nth...and Some THING to wash the grit and hit that "P" ball into the starry skies...

Looks like you are on the right path...But you know that...

xo

{There is a wee "Bowie Avalon" here...}

Joyful said...

So glad to hear your update on the move. I can understand why your emotions had you in knots at times.

Your little niece is very cute and the hat is so precious. I'm sure you will love being closer to her and to the big people in her family ;-)

Candace Morris said...

I find myself breathing easier and easier as the move approaches. I know some of what this will cost you, of what you'll be forced to face, and I know YOU know that I'll be just down the freeway, if you need me.

Also, Bowie misses your smell.

Beth said...

Congratulations on a successful house hunt~ may the move north be everything that you desire it to be. And thank you for your honesty about the grittiness of life. Feeling that here right now for sure but also know that it can be followed by being surrounded by ancient cedars in the center of the city. What a lovely image.

lehowl.com said...

I completely understand the rough times and also the feeling of bliss when a positive change comes. I wish you never ending smiles, never ending good coffee and always a heart full of rainbows (even when it doesn't feel like it). good luck with your move ;)

the habit of being said...

congrats on the house!!!

and the yoda hat. killing me with cuteness. yoda and sweet baby...such perfection.

Brandi said...

Congratulations on finding your new home, I hope the move treats you well. Thanks for sharing a bit of your human-ness, as well.

artist in the arctic said...

As always, your honesty and perspective refreshes me. Thanks Dovie! AND might I yell a out an "Amen!!" about your potential move to a city that is really, a major hub for my Alaskan self!! Woooo-hooo! xo

pencilfox said...

welcome home. again.
xx

prairiegirl said...

Cedar trees, an old quaint home with a special door that opens up to birds at dawn, and new beginnings. You're happy now. I can feel it. xo

Janet said...

Best wishes for all things good in your new abode. California moans, Seattle will send up a cheer.Sweet Journey, Blessed One!

Sierra Keylin said...

I think I left a comment here yesterday but I don't see it now, perhaps I failed to finish it up! Anyhoo, this house hunting business sounds daunting and fantastic at the same time, don't think I wasn't playing "seattle house-hunters" in my head with you all week! I too would have been easily swayed by a sun porch, especially in Seatown! Oh, and that business about the Camelot of caffeine? Oh mama, I SO feel you on that...

Carrie said...

Love LOVE LOVE! The honesty, the hope, the hat and you x

bev said...

"The cedar has been used for healing, purification and for spiritual protection. Its spiritual properties are supposed to promote peaceful thoughts and help interpret messages from the inner self." Thinking of you in your journey . . .

bev said...

aka dragon

Brittany said...

it's nice to hear you talk. i mean, you always talk, but it's nice to hear about your fears and anxiety. but i do really marvel at your strength, with all that you've been through, and your optimistic tone. :)
congrats on finding a place! and that yoda hat--jeez. awesome.

MJ said...

congrats on...well, everything! the house, on battling rough roads, and on a beautiful new niece.
When the rays of light shine through the cloud cover, somehow we still find a beautiful picture...
much love
xo

Sara said...

Yes yes to the future nw home - sounds dearly perfect lovely!
Change, even good is still change and always difficult. And fear, even if illogical is hard to tune out. You are strong, blessed and taking steps forward regardless. Breathe, soak up some coast and sit in the acknowelegement of everything. Big hugs =)

UmberDove said...

Oy! I closed my computer for the weekend and today, THESE! ALL THESE BEAUTIFUL WORDS YOU HAVE WRITEN, well, they made my day.

You are all amazing. I'm making something for you just because you ARE that fabulous.

thewindhover said...

Oh lovely Umber, such wonderful news about finding a home both practical and asthetic. Wooden floors are swoon-worthy. Also, that Bowie is fabulously gorgeous and yoda-like in her beanie. And I know what you mean about retreating internally when struggling, you are beautiful in your honesty as it all things. Such a brave, dear soul, I think the North will look kindly on you once more xx

emmy d said...

BAhahaha, I adore that picture of Bowie. MUST be framed and placed in prominence so she can be horrified when she gets older and everyone else can just say what a perfect picture it is.