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Wednesday, April 29, 2009

And my eyes are filled with green...

A few short ages ago I began this painting.  With gusto and effervescent energy, I believed it would develop quickly, that all the pieces would fall into place, that my strokes would be strong and confident till the end, that the vision in my head would remain clear and my direction would hold unwavering.


And then the rains fell.  Storming on my head and in my heart.  Earlier this year, in the final fighting throws of Winter, I struggled like a drowning woman, lost in my own frustrations.  I started painting after painting, till the white walls of my studio were covered in splashes of color but there was no resolution to be found.  I spent hours, days, weeks just sitting, beseeching the paintings to speak to me, to tell me what they needed, for that moment when the clouds part and the path is clear.  But the fog just rolled in thicker and darker, my skin icy and my faith shaken.  I finally had it out with Him.  Ranting, raging, questioning why, why if this is my path (which I have never doubted that it is) would He blind me to the trail.  Why would these tools, these brushes, that I trust more than my own hands forsake me?  I bled all over the studio.  I said angry things, honest things, cried myself to sleep on the dirty wooden floor.

When I awoke, the scales fell from my eyes.  But stubborn child that I am, I refused to get up until the the dust had settled and the path was clear.

And then I painted.  

From the roots of my soul, dipped in the sap of my blood, I painted.  And rejoiced.  And painted even more.  The famine is past.  The rains have fallen so that the feast could grow richer.  I am remembering my faith.  I am believing once again.


From this Detritus springs the most magnificent elixir I have known.  I will drink deep, healing my parched throat and filling my limbs with light.  I believe once again.

16 comments:

BC said...

So powerful. I am moved. The break down and regeneration, the doubt and confidence, the anger and love. You are incredible and it is reflected in your brush strokes.

Elly said...

Oh, this is a lovely post. :)

jordan said...

and what results...this is an incredible painting!!!

xo

Michele said...

Stunning woman, absolutely stunning!

Mum said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mum said...

All of the agony seems to have paid off...the painting is spectacular!

You realize, of course, the parallel of going through labor?

Very esoteric, my love.

Brian Wigand said...

I love hearing about the journey of the painting. I wish I had something more intelligent to say than, "Wow, I love it!"

UmberDove said...

Lovely, lovely people, thank you. It is always easier to talk about the light than the dark, but I'm so glad to share it with you!

mme. bookling said...

Funny. I find it easier to talk about the dark :)

I really enjoyed this post, the vulnerability and poetry. I love how your art always encompasses such personal, psychological, spirtitual work. I am not sure which is more stunning, the end result of your art or the journey.

Either way. I am privileged to watch both unfold.

she said...

yes, beautiful. as i breathe the icy air of my own prolonged winter, the air grows just a little warmer to hear that the scales will fall, the rain will come, the pain will thaw and the love will return even more magnificently.

today you are ahead of me on this path, and i see your back and take one more step. thanks for looking back over your shoulder and encouraging me to keep going, keep hoping.

The Noisy Plume: said...

Yes.
February was a hard month.










...it's lovely.
Complete.
Green.
XO

UmberDove said...

Ladies mine, I've thought much of February, and the long winter we've all had, and the trail breaking each of you has done before me with so much love. And I have no other words.

Melissa said...

My favorite thing is how Brad is your biggest fan. It might even be one of my favorite things in the blogging world.

I can't also forget to mention that this last painting is my favorite (love love love). I actually felt a pang in my chest when I saw it. It's green... green moves me.

My word verification is mustles, hehe. Similar to muscles, but with a bit more must.

The Noisy Plume: said...

Oh man.
I'm simpy gushing over you in my heart today. Wish you were nearby enough just to hang onto and walk with and sip tea with and watch birds with my darling dovely.

LOVE YOU.
September cannot come soon enough.
Which reminds me, I have a plan...it's called Boise Art in the Park:)

Michaela Dawn said...

Looking at the first stages of your rains fell painting I was rendered breathless, then I read onward and to my delight realized there was more to unfold, and alas the painting poured out even more spirit...

its poetry for the eyes dear dove.

concrete & honey said...

OMG - that's talent!