:: THIS ::
True confession: it's 10:28 and I just finished eating breakfast. Some nights I stay up too late and dragging yourself out of bed before 8:00 am just isn't going to happen. But luckily I was able to greet the day with some of these:
And a little of this:
Today's second confession: This is how I eat my toast every morning. I've been artfully perfecting my Honey Whole Wheat Bread recipe for the last few years and simply can't bare to buy that stuff from the grocery store. And, as you may well guess, the BEST way to enjoy a slice of fresh baked bread is with an ungodly quantity of butter. SO as a precautionary move against the inevitable thigh expansion that would happen if I daily smothered my toast in butter, I divide my toast into quadrants. I get one butter quadrant which can be loaded up as thick as you please, and the other three are divvied between the jam and nut butter selections in the fridge. It's a little of the best of all worlds.
:: THAT ::
How 'bout a little stitchery stitching sneak peak? I've been working away in the textile studio and am almost ready to reopen shop... I'm so very excited about these newest pieces. They feel ever more like me, like my paintings, clean and crisp and 100% full of California Loving. Every piece has been inspired by the flora, fauna and the bliss in my heart I experience on my evening country runs.
:: MEDICAL UPDATE ::
In completely unrelated news, I'd like to give you the update on the medical front. I'm so sorry this update has been SO long coming but between doctors on vacation, insurance red tape, and some big decisions BC and I needed to make, everything kept getting pushed back by the week. I finally was able to see my oncology doctor and schedule out the next few months of treatments. The short story is, I'll be starting chemotherapy next Friday, August 27th (with targeted radiation therapy afterwards). I've already begun some pre-treatment injections (Ladies of that "Certain Age," I'm joining the club with my medically induced temporary menopause! Please send ALL the good vibes you can to BC while he loves me through hot flashes and all that other fun stuff!).
The chemo schedule I'll be on will last a little over four months, with injections every other week. But it's just four months. I keep telling myself, just four months. Such a short period of time. Yesterday (truthfully, right this second as well) after my appointment I was really struggling with the reality of this, and a hot panic kept creeping up the back of my throat and blinding the corners of my vision. But it's just four months. And I KNOW I'll be ok. I JUST DON'T WANT TO DO IT. But I feel deep in my gut that with all the information I've gathered, this is the best decision I can make to help my body. So I'll ride out this next week and see what we shall see.
Sheesh. There were a lots of buts in that last paragraph. I'm trying. I'm breathing. Just please remind me it's going to be ok. Because I'm a little bit scared.
Sheesh. There were a lots of buts in that last paragraph. I'm trying. I'm breathing. Just please remind me it's going to be ok. Because I'm a little bit scared.
Oh yeah.
One last thing.
It's about to get hard core.
26 comments:
I am beyond impressed with your toast eating manners. I don't live without toast, ever, and yet, I have not done what you have. I usually divide mine into two halves, one of butter and jam and one for vegemite and butter.
I was thinking last week, when is umber going to pick up her needle, I so miss it. I can see you were thinking the same.
I went through medically induced menopause a while back and found it to be lovely. Nothing like that rush of a hot flash followed with cool downs. Try to laugh and have fun with it.
Chemo is serious and important, to cover all bases. 4 months is already gone in my head Miss Umber, R u kidding me. Anytime you need support, call Mme, Kerin, Plumie (among others I am sure) and I will always be there too.
Heaps of love and have a great weekend!
xx
MLJ - Vegemite? Heehee! But truly, you are a true friend. Heaps and heaps and then a full bucket on top back to you.
#1 I am glad to hear things are finally getting underway, despite how scary they are! I think you should literally "ride out" - somehow being on the back of the horse makes one feel invincible :)
#2 May I have some bread making advice?? My bread-making skills have been failing misrerably as of late - cannot get it to rise. Eating jam straight from the jar is not quite as rewarding as on a piece of warm bread, however I do it anyway. Pending the reemergence of said skills, would you be so kind as to share your bread recipe??
#3 Have a fabulous weekend!!
I wanted to claim whatever you were making...I hope to see it when it gets posted (if it does that is).
Thank you for the honors umber love...vegemite is so yummy, and you look like part fig in your purple outfit!
xx
Emmy dawling - I'd LOVE to share my bread business with you... tell you what. I'm due for a bake-fest in the next few days and I promise to photograph, write up the recipe (and the little nuances) for you right here.
I can't help it. I think the figs are seeping out of my pores and staining my socks. And YES, I'll absolutely be posting textile previews here on the bloggity blog next week.
Hi!
You don't know me but I've been looking in on your blog regularly for the last two-three months now. And I just wanted to tell you that I love it!
I particularly enjoy your pictures, aspecially the one of you picking berries in your last entry! You look lite some kond of woodland nymph, full of mischief and bubbling laughter :)
I don't know what the berries are called in english but we have them here in Sweden too, and I can't wait to go out there and get some. I usually end up with scratches all over my arms :)
So, to round this up. I don't know how much this means coming from a stranger but:
I wish you all the best in the coming months and hope that they will feel as short as they posibly can.
Sending you all the strength and support I can spare
/ Sara
And you know - everything is going to be ok!
Sara - it absolutely does mean so much to me that you took the time to write this morning. I really do believe that love and encouragement go miles across this world without loosing ANY of their potency. Thank you so much for your words AND get out there and snap up some berries!
Miss Dove,
4 months will fly by in a flash and at the end you will be fine. More than fine- you'll be a better, stronger version of yourself.
Let's have a Stuart Smalley moment:
You are good enough, strong enough and doggone it, people love you!
Oh, and about those pillows-
I NEED the California one! I'm missin' my home state so much lately..
Sending prayers your way:)
This post made me hungry for all that's photographed on here... too bad I just inhaled a chocolate chip cookie :)
Also, I'm With Emmy D on the desperation of bread baking and who better than you to give us advice and your fantastic recipe?
I think we are all scared with you but we also are here for you to vent the real stuff and IT WILL BE OKAY no matter what, you are such a strong, lovely being Ms. Clark!
Oh by the way, I love that you have perfected your bread. I too don't like that "stuff" that passes for bread in stores but have yet to perfect a recipe of my own :-) In time, lol.
What the holy hell is that stance? Amazing.
Oh my best,
I am so nervous too.
And scared.
I don't want this for you at all. I'm going to plea with all that is holy and sacred that it flies by like a road trip when you listen to a "certain" book.
God.
I wish I could help.
sending the warmest vibes to you. I follow your blog-but I'm a terrible commenter. keep strong and take good good care of yourself. you are an inspiration to me.
Johanna
What book would that be Mme?
I pray that you will be well - my husband and I read your blog together, and we're both praying for you.
We worry about our credit card and our mortgage - but you, you know what is important and what is so healing through toast, and art, and a good gun show! I agree with Johanna, you're an inspiration.
*wipes away tears*
Bless you and BC every minute - you're on my Australian heart.
xx
you are SUCH an inspiration, and i thank you for your bravery and openness in facing down this enemy! of OURSE you're scared, and there's nothing wrong with that. i do believe that the anticipation is worse than taking action, though, and next week you will feel more in control simply for the act of DOING what needs to be done. i join the others here in sending you lots and lots of positive energy that all will indeed be OK and that you and BC will be carried through this and strengthened by it. you are a beautiful person and YOU CAN DO THIS AND IT WILL BE OK!!
everything IS going to be alright.
I'm sure of it :)
You are one of the bravest girls I know, and I will be sending all of the good healing vibes I have right to your door.
just so you know....
4 months = 12 weeks
12 weeks = 84 days
84 days = 120,960 minutes
120,960 minutes = 7,257,600 seconds
I always think that if I break time up into little pieces,it feels different, sometimes more manageable....
we will start counting to 7 million seconds ( just little measly seconds) on the 27th....uh huh!....
and as for the waves, like MLJ says, they are sexy!...
my body just went "well, ok then" and turned off the switch...nothing, nada....so dont let 'em scare you....
and
( thank you MLJ for speaking so eloquently for me! oxox)..."anytime you need support, call Mme, Kerin, Plumie (among others I am sure) and I will always be there too."
and
you are starting to look like a gorgeous juicy fig!
we are here, holding you....oxoxox
Whenever I am dreading something or anxious about something (like my first triathlon on the 29th! ahhh!) I tell my worried head what my friend's mom told me once, "It will be, and it will be over." Time always moves forward, you can count on that.
You can do it! Praying time moves quickly for you :)
I too am a stranger and a terribly infrequent commenter, but wow, Umber Dove! I can't tell you how much of an inspiration you are. Your words here are so uplifting and bring joy to a lot of people. We're all rooting for you! This little hard part will be over in a blink of an eye.
a stranger and yet.....
I have been following you for quick sometime
love you space
love your energy
you WILL be alright
there is a reason for all things, this I KNOW to be true..and if you are the person that you appear to be here, you know that too
the beautiful thing is that you do not walk this along
friends, family, strangers walk through this with you
prayers of healing to you sister
both physical and emotional
may love and light surround you
carry you
uplift you
you are lovely!
Dearest Woman whose face I have now BEHELD in person!: ahem:
1. It is most assuredly going to be ok
2. Your toast quadrants are just as described and made me giggle anew.
3. Something will be on its way to you in a matter of weeks.
4. You are all kinds of lovely, inside and out.
xoxoxoxoxoxox,
Allison
you are going to love her....
:)
http://crazysexylife.com/about/
(Somehow my first post went missing so my second post seemed way out in left field!)
I just want to say that my thoughts and prayers are really with you. You probably don't read my blog but I did go through a bit of a scare about a year ago myself and my aunt is currently undergoing chemo for breast cancer.
Like others, I want to say you are not alone in this. We will be there beside you in spirit and some of your closer friends in person. We love you and care what happens to you. I am sending you virtual hugs to go along with the many hugs I know you are receiving from family and friends. Blessings to you and may your four months pass swiftly by. xx
i wasn't here, but i am now, and i love you. i hope you feel that
xoxo
I really would like to have each and every one of you fine ladies over for tea and crumpets... or maybe toast with quadrants and wheatgrass juice.
You make my every day.
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